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Submitted on
May 4
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I feel my heart beating
moving faster, faster still
it is quite a miracle that my ribs
succeed in holding it in place

a wave of embarrassment
as I have felt it before
it washes over me, suddenly,
pulls me down, tears at my limbs

I take a step and another
walking seems much harder now
I catch myself at wanting to hide
wanting to remove myself from sight

because the people are watching me
I can feel their eyes burning in my back
as I hastily struggle to make my way home
don't look at me, don't judge me

and I cannot seem to breathe
through my faltering mind
and I cannot even see
through my clouding eyes
I am quite fearful of being judged by people around me, and in particular people who I look up to such as those few smartest students of my year at school. It may be completely irrational, and I realise that, but it happens.
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:iconbutter-holiday:
butter-holiday Featured By Owner May 25, 2014
It's not irrational at all. I know I feel like that most of the time. I'm really sorry you feel that way though.

Excellent poem :)
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:icona-casualaffair:
a-casualaffair Featured By Owner May 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
The more I think about it, the more I think maybe it's just hidden somewhere in human nature.. I guess you're right.

Thank you so much! : D And thank you for the fav! :hug:
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:iconbutter-holiday:
butter-holiday Featured By Owner May 25, 2014
It must be. Maybe the fear of judgement is different for other people, you know? In some people it's worse and in some it's not as bad. I hope that the fear for you subsides as time goes on :) 

You're welcome and no problem! Hug
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:icona-casualaffair:
a-casualaffair Featured By Owner May 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, perhaps. I think so.. Everyone has different personality traits, of course.
Thank you! you're so friendly : D  I think it will. And otherwise I'll just have to learn to live with it. (:

:hug:
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:iconbutter-holiday:
butter-holiday Featured By Owner May 27, 2014
Thank you! You seem really friendly too :) Yeah, that's what I figure too with feeling self-conscious and feeling like you're being judged (you just learn to live with it). I hope it does calm down though.

Good luck with handling it *hugs*
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:icona-casualaffair:
a-casualaffair Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yep! Thank you! c: And thank you for the watch uwu
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:iconbutter-holiday:
butter-holiday Featured By Owner May 30, 2014
No problem :) Thank you too!
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:icona-casualaffair:
a-casualaffair Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! uwu
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:iconpaleauthor:
PaleAuthor Featured By Owner May 24, 2014  Student Writer
Do not worry my friend. Opinions cannot kill us, they just make us stronger. Anyway if you can't beat them, ignore them. I used to care too much about other's opinions and then I learned that people will laugh and bully me anyway so why bother change? 

Also, an excellent poem :)
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:icona-casualaffair:
a-casualaffair Featured By Owner May 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
First of all, thank you so much for the favs, the watch and the very thoughtful comment! :hug:

I think you're right. Still, it seems hard to shut it all out. And I know that people generally don't give me as a person much thought (or judgement), and if they do, I reason (hope?) it won't be that negative. My parents tell me it's probably just a 'phase' I'm going through and it's all caused by 'hormones'(gosh I've come to detest those words) and I know they mean well and they understand that I don't like the fact that they seem to simplify matters by saying these things. They really do care and I'm lucky to have them and I love them.
I guess in a few years I won't be bothered by the same problems anymore. I sure do hope so. But for now, it's hard to not think about these things. And then I think maybe this just happens because I'm focusing so much on my own troubles (am I?) and maybe in a few months even, I'll have forgotten about these thoughts if only I can stop thinking about it. I'll have to wait and see, I guess.

On a different note, I checked out your gallery and it's wonderful! *watches*

Oops. What started out as a simple reply grew into a monstrously long letter. Well. I figure I must congratulate you if you have taken the effort, time and strength to read it all.
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