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I feel my heart beating
moving faster, faster still
it is quite a miracle that my ribs
succeed in holding it in place

a wave of embarrassment
as I have felt it before
it washes over me, suddenly,
pulls me down, tears at my limbs

I take a step and another
walking seems much harder now
I catch myself at wanting to hide
wanting to remove myself from sight

because the people are watching me
I can feel their eyes burning in my back
as I hastily struggle to make my way home
don't look at me, don't judge me

and I cannot seem to breathe
through my faltering mind
and I cannot even see
through my clouding eyes
I am quite fearful of being judged by people around me, and in particular people who I look up to such as those few smartest students of my year at school. It may be completely irrational, and I realise that, but it happens.
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:iconbutter-holiday:
butter-holiday Featured By Owner May 25, 2014
It's not irrational at all. I know I feel like that most of the time. I'm really sorry you feel that way though.

Excellent poem :)
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:icona-casualaffair:
a-casualaffair Featured By Owner May 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
The more I think about it, the more I think maybe it's just hidden somewhere in human nature.. I guess you're right.

Thank you so much! : D And thank you for the fav! :hug:
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:iconbutter-holiday:
butter-holiday Featured By Owner May 25, 2014
It must be. Maybe the fear of judgement is different for other people, you know? In some people it's worse and in some it's not as bad. I hope that the fear for you subsides as time goes on :) 

You're welcome and no problem! Hug
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:icona-casualaffair:
a-casualaffair Featured By Owner May 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, perhaps. I think so.. Everyone has different personality traits, of course.
Thank you! you're so friendly : D  I think it will. And otherwise I'll just have to learn to live with it. (:

:hug:
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:iconbutter-holiday:
butter-holiday Featured By Owner May 27, 2014
Thank you! You seem really friendly too :) Yeah, that's what I figure too with feeling self-conscious and feeling like you're being judged (you just learn to live with it). I hope it does calm down though.

Good luck with handling it *hugs*
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:icona-casualaffair:
a-casualaffair Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yep! Thank you! c: And thank you for the watch uwu
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:iconbutter-holiday:
butter-holiday Featured By Owner May 30, 2014
No problem :) Thank you too!
Reply
:icona-casualaffair:
a-casualaffair Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! uwu
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:iconpaleauthor:
PaleAuthor Featured By Owner May 24, 2014  Student Writer
Do not worry my friend. Opinions cannot kill us, they just make us stronger. Anyway if you can't beat them, ignore them. I used to care too much about other's opinions and then I learned that people will laugh and bully me anyway so why bother change? 

Also, an excellent poem :)
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:icona-casualaffair:
a-casualaffair Featured By Owner May 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
First of all, thank you so much for the favs, the watch and the very thoughtful comment! :hug:

I think you're right. Still, it seems hard to shut it all out. And I know that people generally don't give me as a person much thought (or judgement), and if they do, I reason (hope?) it won't be that negative. My parents tell me it's probably just a 'phase' I'm going through and it's all caused by 'hormones'(gosh I've come to detest those words) and I know they mean well and they understand that I don't like the fact that they seem to simplify matters by saying these things. They really do care and I'm lucky to have them and I love them.
I guess in a few years I won't be bothered by the same problems anymore. I sure do hope so. But for now, it's hard to not think about these things. And then I think maybe this just happens because I'm focusing so much on my own troubles (am I?) and maybe in a few months even, I'll have forgotten about these thoughts if only I can stop thinking about it. I'll have to wait and see, I guess.

On a different note, I checked out your gallery and it's wonderful! *watches*

Oops. What started out as a simple reply grew into a monstrously long letter. Well. I figure I must congratulate you if you have taken the effort, time and strength to read it all.
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:iconpaleauthor:
PaleAuthor Featured By Owner May 26, 2014  Student Writer
I understand, after all we are all humans -> we are different. Everything takes time. And I know too that it's almost impossible to shut it all out. I gave up on the "change so they'll shut up" -thing. Still in my mind I was thinking about it all the time, but I think that during these few months here on dA I have learned how to ignore some of the comments and come to realize that everything is not my fault and that I can't make everybody happy. I just have to make the people happy that like my style and accept that everyone doesn't love it. So in a way you're doing the right thing here.

Anyway yes, hormones for women especially are quite strong, do not underestimate them, but don't think that they cause everything. People who say that it's just your age are wrong. Age is just a part of a bigger complicated system, just like certain DNA doesn't tell exactly what kind of life you're going to have, the age doesn't explain everything you're going through. 

Lots of hugs!
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: 

Of course I read it all! Anyone who thinks about the structure when writing a long reply is amazing! X3 Emote :eeeee: 

+ thank you too for the watch! Means a lot to me and I'm happy to hear you like my gallery. Your gallery will be absolutely fantastic too as it grows la in love 
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:icona-casualaffair:
a-casualaffair Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yes.  I'm sorry to hear you've a problem comparable to mine, though. You can't ignore all of it, but things will probably get better with age, as you learn to deal with all of this stuff. We all have our own problems, and we'll work it out eventually.

Yes, me too. I want to know if what I write is any good, and I think that maybe this site is full of people like me: people who want to improve their artistic hobbies, receive feedback, and they want to receive praise and recognition for their work. They want confirmation that what they like to do (writing/art etc.) is something that pleases other people and that other people love. And knowing that most people are on this site with the same kind of goal, it's a real pleasure to talk to people and have interesting conversations, like this one with you. So thank you for taking the time and appreciating my efforts of writing replies to you!

Yay, thank you so much! (◡‿◡✿)

Sure thing! I'll be happy to see more of your poetry and other works : D

And omg adnsjklfnsflanfkls thank you so much ;-;
:huggle:
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:iconyuesumi:
Yuesumi Featured By Owner May 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I feel like I can relate to this, and I'm quite sure a lot of other people will also do, so I don't think it's irrational. It's just... human, I guess. I really like the last paragraph, by the way. ^^
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:icona-casualaffair:
a-casualaffair Featured By Owner May 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yep. ^^ But luckily it's not as if everyone around you is constantly judging one person and constantly focusing on possible negative aspects of what that person does or says, or what he/she looks like (although sometimes it feels that way). uwu

Thanks so much for the thoughtful comment and the fav! :hug:
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:iconyuesumi:
Yuesumi Featured By Owner May 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Jep I know that feeling. Deep inside you know it's not like that, but somehow you still feel like it is. :/

You're very welcome! :hug:
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:icona-casualaffair:
a-casualaffair Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Exactly! c:
:hug:
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:iconnihil-invictus:
Nihil-Invictus Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It's not irrational. We're judged all the time and we judge all the time. It's just how we figure out the world.
Reply
:icona-casualaffair:
a-casualaffair Featured By Owner May 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hmm. I guess there's some truth in that. But it's also not as if everyone around a certain person is constantly focusing on that one person and constantly judging him/her, even though it sometimes still feels that way for the person.

Anyways, thank you for the fave! : D
Reply
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